Roger's Blue Banana
by Kawaii-babi
Summary: Co written with Breathe From Your Hoo Hoo. Roger and Mark don't remember what happened last night at the Rocky Horror Picture Show... what are they gonna do? Read and find out! HIATUS!
1. The Evil Beer Can

_**Disclaimer: **__Don't own RENT or anything related to it. Wish I did, lalalala… most of the idea behind this story came from a random conversation about blue foods that I had with Breathe From Your Hoo Hoo_. _She wrote the majority of this, so KUDOS to her. Haha. This is a multichap, people._

One fine December morning, when the clouds were lighter than the air itself, and the hot sun poured through the windows of the loft and birds sang to celebrate the joy of the new season, Roger the dark, brooding, 28-year-old emo rock star woke up to a very strange sight. Firstly, he was crashed on the couch, not in his bed. Secondly, he was wearing a pink tank top, black lacy shorts, black fishnets and black pumps, not his regular moldy green sweatshirt and sexy, tight plaid pants. And thirdly, there was a very strange smell that seemed to infiltrate the whole loft. He slowly sat himself upright and rubbed his eyes. And then he looked around the room for his friend Mark, whom he didn't see anywhere, so instead of quietly peeking into his bedroom like normal people, he yelled, "MAAARRRKKK!!! ARE YOU HERE???"

A loud thud could be heard from one of the rooms, followed by, "Holy shit, Roger!! What the hell are you trying to do, wake the dead?!?."

Moments later, out of Roger's bedroom stumbled a skinny white blond Jewish boy – dressed in a black corset, red lacy shorts, black fishnet stockings, black boots, and black lacy gloves. The two of them looked at each other in shock and confusion. Roger frowned.

"C'mon Mark! Quit clownin' around! I need to know exactly how we ended up in this state", he huffed as he kicked off his pumps and tried his best to free himself from his fishnets. Unfortunately, he fell flat on his ass and ripped a giant hole in them.

"But why, Roggy?? Don't you like our cute clothes?" Mark admired himself in the mirror at how thin and leggy his boots made him look. He quietly hummed "These Boots Are Made For Walking" under his breath and looked at his reflection when he suddenly noticed blue on Roger's form. Mark look at him. "Roger? What's that long, blue thing on you?"

Roger looked down...and saw a long, blue banana-shaped object stuck to his lacy shorts. He looked at it quizzically. "Hey, what's this? And how did it get stuck to my shorts?" Mark blinked and gulped guiltily.

"I, uh...um...I think I might know."

_Flashback_

_Last night..._

"Oh Rog, this is so exciting!! I can't believe we're finally going to a midnight screening of the Rocky Horror Picture Show!!!" said Mark excitedly. He carefully inserted his foot into his black fishnet stocking and slowly pulled it up his leg, just like Maureen taught him. Roger couldn't help himself, and he doubled over, laughing. Mark pouted.

"YOU'RE MEAN!" Mark exclaimed. Roger shrugged and went to the fridge.

"Mark, you want a beer?" Roger asked. Mark pondered for a moment and then zipped up his boot.

"Yes please!" Mark exclaimed. Roger grinned an evil grin and took two beers out of the fridge. He then walked into Mark's room and stood in the doorway.

"MARK! THINK FAST!" Roger exclaimed, chucking the beer at the pumpkin head's face. Unfortunately, Mark was incapable of thinking fast, and the beer ricocheted off Mark's forehead and hit the wall and combusted, narrowly missing Roger's thigh. Mark glared and Roger smiled like an innocent little kid.

"Sorry, Markydoodles." Roger said apologetically. Mark sighed and got up and walked towards his drawer.

"I'll forgive you on ONE condition." Mark said, shuffling through his drawers. Roger raised his eyebrow and leaned against the doorframe.

"Wazzat?" Roger asked. Mark grinned and pulled out a purple tank top, black lacy shorts, black fishnets and black pumps.

"You wear these," Mark said, shoving the articles into Roger's arms "To the Rocky Horror Picture Show." Mark grinned an evil grin and Roger gave a look of horror.

"NO WAY! I AM NOT WEARING PURPLE! IT CLASHES HORRIBLY WITH MY HAIR AND EYES!" Roger screeched. Mark sighed and rummaged through his drawers again. He pulled out a pink tank top and held it up for Roger.

"Is this better?" Mark asked. Roger smirked.

"Definitely." Roger said, snatching the tank top from Marks hands and eagerly slipping it on over his green T-shirt. Mark rolled his eyes and pulled up his other boot. He zipped up the zipper on his boot and then stood in the mirror, admiring himself. He turned around to get a better look at his behind, and then he frowned.

"Roggypoo!" Mark whined. Roger slipped off his pants and put the black lacy shorts on.

"Yeah?" Roger asked. Mark turned to look at his roommate.

"Do these shorts make my ass look like a turnip?" Mark asked. Roger sighed.

"No, they make your ass look like a strawberry marshmallow." Roger replied. Mark sighed in relief. "Thank god." He muttered under his breath. Roger stopped getting ready and glared at Mark.

"What do you have against turnips?" Roger asked. Mark bit his lip.

"It's not that I have something against them. It's just, my uncle was a vegetarian, and when he died, there was a huge turnip at his funeral." Mark explained. Roger raised his eyebrow.

"Don't you mean turn up?" Roger asked. Mark grinned and started applying his over done makeup that could put Angel to shame with the glitter and whatnot.

"Nope, turnip." Mark said, like it was the most obvious thing on earth. Roger pretended to understand what Mark was saying, and then he got up and admired himself in the mirror. He smirked and started humming the tune to 'I'm too Sexy.' Mark couldn't help himself and he started laughing like a hyena. Roger glared at him and picked up his man purse.

"You ready to go?" Roger asked. Mark grinned and picked up his own man purse.

"Ready!" Mark exclaimed, skipping to the front door.

Le fin 

_Moo! REVIEW AND WE SHALL GIVE YOU HORNY LITTLE PUMPKIN HEADS!_


	2. Gimme More

**Chapter 2**

"OOOOOOUUUUUUUTTTT TONIGHT!! I HAVE TO GO, OOOOOOUUUUUUUTTTT TONIGHT!!" sang Mark as he and Roger walked down the street to the local cinema (well Mark was skipping) surrounded by hundreds of other people also dressed in a similar fashion for the show. "YOU WANNA PROWL, BE MY NIGHT OWL!! THEN TAKE MY HAND WE'RE GONNA, HHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!" and at this point, all the neighborhood dogs joined in and formed some sort of midnight canine choir, which really annoyed Roger.

"_MARK!!_ What do you think you're doing?? Just shut the fuck up already!!" he yelled as he placed his hands over his hears to drown our Mark's _and_ the dogs' howling. Mark ignored him.

"**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTT TONIGHT!!!!!!"** Mark sang that last bit louder on purpose, to get back at Roger for the destroyed beer can from earlier that evening. He smirked and giggled like a smug little girl as he did a sexy, stripper-like butt swirl for a couple of women dressed as Magenta and Janet – probably as a possible love connection – who whistled and growled playfully at him.

Roger groaned. "Alright, that's it!!" he huffed and clamped his strong hand over Mark's mouth, which he never should have done because it smudged Mark's red glittery lipstick, which took quite a while to put on. Mark glared at him.

"You _imbecile!!_ You stupid, stupid _imbecile!!_ Look what you've done!! You ruined my makeup!!" he wailed with his hands on his hips.

"And if you start crying, you'll ruin it further," said Roger, sticking his tongue out while wiping his stained hand on his shorts. Mark continued to glare at him. He sighed. "C'mon Marky, I'm really sorry. Honest!! I just didn't like you waking all the dogs, that's all."

"Don't think I'm stupid, Roger. It wasn't the dogs that annoyed you," quipped the Jewish boy as he pulled out a red lipstick and a compact mirror and started fixing the damage. He then pulled out his little glitter tub, which slipped and fell on the ground. He got down to pick it up when he felt something cold and sequin-y bump into him.

"HEYY!! Why don't you watch where you're – _Angel!!!_ How are you?!?" he exclaimed when he saw his two closest friends, Angel and Collins, who were, by the looks of them, also on their way to the Rocky Horror Picture show. They smiled at him.

"Hey Marky!! You look fantastic!!" squeaked Angel and she gave Marky a big hug, followed by Collins. Roger caught up with them.

"Hey guys!! What's happening?? You look awesome!!" he said to them, and they did. Angel was dressed as Columbia, complete with a glittery tap-dancing ensemble and Collins as Riff-Raff, with the hair, makeup, hunched back and all. Roger received a hug from each of them too.

"Well now that we're here, let's all go together!" suggested Collins. The rest of them agreed and they all skipped off together. Mark finished fixing his makeup and stared angrily at Roger for ruining his fun. Roger smiled at him and started singing _"Weeeeeee'rrrrreeeeee off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz!! You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz if ever a Wiz there was!!"_

Mark smiled back and sang _"If ever oh ever a Wiz there was The Wizard of Oz is one because"_

"_Because, because, because, because, because!! Because of the wonderful things he does!"_ Angel and Collins piped in with them. Then they all sang, _"We're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz!!!"_ and merrily skipped as they made their way to the cinema. Mark squeezed Roger's hand and whispered "thank you" quietly. Roger smiled at him, and the two stared at each other, their hands lingering for longer than usual. Suddenly, they broke their hand and eye contact and continued with their friends down the road

.o.O.o.

"WWOOOOOHHHOOOOOO!!! We're finally here!!!" said Mark as Collins purchased tickets for them at the ticket booth. He returned and lifted the tickets up in the air.

"I'VE GOT A GOLDEN TICKET! I'VE GOT A GOLDEN TIIIIIIIIICKET!" Collins exclaimed, waving them around like a maniac. There was a sudden gust of wind, and two of the tickets were picked up by it and flew away. Mark, Roger, Angel and Collins's eyes went wide as the tickets did back flips, flip-flops, one right after another. Mark looked at Roger, who nodded. There was no need for words. Both knew what the other was saying, their connection was just that deep. Roger turned to Collins.

"You know what man?" Roger asked. Collins shrugged. How was he supposed to know what Roger was going to say? He wasn't Mark. "You go inside, save us seats. Markydoodles and I will go get the tickets. Don't let any Franks or Riff Raffs or stupid Transvestites take our seats." Roger finished, but instantly regretted it. Angel slapped Roger so hard; you could probably hear the sound of flesh hitting flesh from Timbuktu. Roger rubbed the irritated skin on his cheek (Face, not ass)

"Let me guess," Mark said, looking at Roger "You didn't deserve that?" Roger bit his lip and shrugged.

"May have deserved that." Roger said, for some inexplicable reason dipping into a pirate-y British accent. Suddenly, the tickets flew right in front of Roger's face and up in the air. Roger sprinted after them as fast as his ultra sexy pumps, which made his ass look even cuter than it was already, would go. After a few seconds, Mark, who had been the smarter of the two and took his boots off, followed, catching up to Roger quickly. After running after the tickets for a while, the tickets decided it would be funny to get stuck in a tree. A very tall tree. A very tall pointy tree. A very tall unstable pointy tree. Roger and Mark stopped abruptly and gulped.

"You gonna go get it?" Mark asked. Roger shook his head.

"You do the honors." Roger said courteously. Mark glared and walked towards the tree. Roger observed intensely as Mark inspected the tree.

"Just as I suspected." Mark said to himself. "This is DEFINITELY a tree." Roger rolled his eyes and walked over towards Mark.

"Well… are you going to stand here all day, or are you gonna go get those tickets?" Roger asked. Mark pondered for a minute.

"What do I get out of it if I get them?" Mark asked. Roger grinned.

"A lil somethin' somethin'." Roger said. Mark caught his bottom lip between his teeth and thought for a moment.

"I like the sound of that." Mark replied. He quickly shimmied up the tree, trying not to pay attention to the pointyness of the tree. While Roger waited, he began humming a familiar tune, and then he started dancing.

"It's Roger Bitch  
I see you,  
And i just wanna dance with you

Every time they turn the lights down  
Just wanna go that extra mile for you  
You got my display of affection  
Feels like no one else in the room (the room)

We can get down like there's no one around  
We keep on rocking, we keep on rockin'  
Cameras are flashing while we're dirty dancing  
They keep watching, keep watchin'  
Feels like the the crowd was saying

Gimme Gimme more  
Gimme more  
Gimme gimme more (x4)

Center of attention, even when you're up against the wall  
You got me in a crazy position (uh huh)  
If you're on a mission (ooh)  
You got my permission oh

Gimme Gimme more  
Gimme more  
Gimme gimme more (x4)

[Spoken  
I just can't control myself, more  
They want more?  
Well I'll give them more (ow!)

Gimme Gimme more  
Gimme more  
Gimme gimme more (x4)

Gimme more gimme more  
Gimme more gimme more babe  
I just want more

Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme (x4)" As soon as Roger finished, he looked around. Half of New York City was staring at him like he was some crazy maniac. Mark was in the tree, humming 'Gimme More', and the tickets had fallen into a puddle near Roger's feet. Roger picked up the tickets and groaned. They were illegible. He looked up at Mark, who was hanging by his breeches on a branch, spinning around in circles, trying not to annoy the little angry squirrel that was right next to him. Suddenly, the squirrel ran down mark's pants and nestled himself between his legs. Mark's eyes went wide and he looked at Roger.

"Roger!" Mark whined. "What's the squirrel doing?" Roger grinned at Mark.

"Protecting his nuts." Roger said simply.

.o.O.o.

Angel and Collins had been lucky. They had sprinted into the theater and got 4 seats not too close to the stage, but close enough so that they could see what was going on. And the strange guy dressed up as a geisha that had been following them around for a while had gotten lost in the crowd, so they were free of weirdness. All they had to do was wait, which was getting extremely boring, so they started making out. There was an elderly couple sitting near them, smiling at the younger couple.

"Well, aren't you a lovely young couple?" The old lady asked. Collins and Angel broke apart and smiled.

"Thank you, miss… uh… You guys are such a lovely old couple." Angel replied. Collins started snickering, so Angel hit him in the gut. The old man smiled at the two.

"Back in my day, the women hit a thousand times harder. You'd be lucky if you got a mild bruise. You see, Louise here would hit me so hard sometimes that I was sure my spleen would pop out through my rectum." The old man said. The old woman slapped him, hard.

"REGINALD!" Louise exclaimed. He rubbed his ribs and winced.

"See… You, young lad, have it easy. Your woman doesn't look like she would hurt a fly." Reginald said. Angel was about to open her mouth, and then a little boy, around the age of five came running up to them.

"Grama! Grampa! There's this chick with this sparkly outfit and I want it!" The little boy exclaimed. Angel and Collins glanced at each other. Something wasn't right here.

"Oh, hush now, Tobias. Be polite. Grandma and Grandpa are talking to this nice couple." Louise said. Tobias looked up at Collins and Angel and grinned.

"GAY!" He exclaimed. Louise bonked him on the head.

"Tobias! That's not very nice!" Louise exclaimed. Tobias made a disgusted face.

"IT'S TOBY!" He yelled. Angel giggled a bit.

"It's alright. Yes, I'm a guy, and so is Collins. And what are you all doing at the Rocky Horror Picture Show?" Angel asked. Louise got uncomfortable… she really didn't like homosexuals, not that there's anything wrong with them. Reginald, who didn't mind them as much, chose to respond before his wife made an evil comment.

"Isn't this Rocky Balboa?" Reginald asked. Collins started laughing like a maniac, and Angel just smiled politely.

"Sorry hun, you're really off…" Angel said, suddenly, a man in a silver speedo and a super long feminine wig. "Enjoy the show!" Angel exclaimed.

.o.O.o.

_FIN!_

_Review and you shall get another chapter… don't review and I'll send Sweeney Todd after you_


	3. Transformers?

It was a very sucky time for Mark and Roger. The tickets that they saved up so much money for were all wet and illegible and their sexy clothes were now covered in dried leaves and dirty water. Mark got off the tree, sat on the floor and cried like a little girl whose favourite doll lost an arm. The squirrel felt sorry for him and offered him a nut to help cheer him up. Mark smiled and took the nut from him and ate it, but it didn't make him feel better. Roger sat next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

"AAAAAaaawwwww c'mon Mark, it's not so bad. We can still use these tickets. We just gotta wait for it to dry, that's all," he said as he pulled out a tissue from his little black man purse and gently dabbed Mark's face with it. Mark let him wipe the tears off his face but was still disappointed over the tickets.

"I'm so sorry for not catching those tickets, Roger. All I wanted was an evening of fun. I didn't mean to cause any trouble," he blubbered through his tears. Roger hugged him tightly. "No no no no no Markydoodles. Don't apologize for something that's not your fault." Mark hugged him back and continued crying. Roger looked at his watch. "Oh phew!! We still have a half an hour before the show starts. Enough time for the tickets to dry. Till then, why don't we find a fun way to pass the time?"

Mark pulled away and blinked at him. "What do you have in mind?"

Roger smiled at him and scooted next to Mark, their shoulders perfectly in line with each other. He then started singing in a really exaggerated Cockney accent:

"Some things in life are bad  
They can really make you mad  
Other things just make you swear and curse.  
When you're chewing on life's gristle  
Don't grumble, give a whistle  
And this'll help things turn out for the best..." Roger slowly started swaying his hands as he started singing the chorus:

"And...Always look on the bright side of life...  
Always look on the light side of life..." Mark ceased his crying and listened to Roger, who was trying his best to cheer his best-friend-and-potential-lover-for-all-you-dirty-girls-who-love-Mark/Roger-slash.

"If life seems jolly rotten  
There's something you've forgotten  
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.  
When you're feeling in the dumps  
Don't be silly chumps  
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing." By this time, Mark had forgotten his crying and joined Roger in swaying his hands and singing this silly, nonsensical but highly profound song (also in an exaggerated Cockney accent. I really dunno why).

"And.always look on the bright side of life...  
Always look on the light side of life..."  
"Life's a piece of shit  
When you look at it  
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.  
You'll see it's all a show  
Keep 'em laughing as you go  
Just remember that the last laugh is on you." Suddenly, all of New York City sat around them and joined in, and turned it into a huge spontaneous sing-a-long, like the kind you'd see quite often if life were a musical.

"And always look on the bright side of life...  
Always look on the right side of life..." Soon, everybody started dancing and singing the song, and Mark and Roger got up, grabbed each others' hands, and proceeded to do a very clumsy, drunk polka-like dance as they sang out the rest of the song.

"Always look on the bright side of life...  
Always look on the bright side of life...  
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)  
Always look on the bright side of life...  
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)  
Always look on the right side of life!!!!!" At the end of the song, the whole crowd whooped and cheered and clapped instead of staring at them like they were a couple of crazy maniacs (even though they really were acting like crazy maniacs this time). Roger and Mark hugged each other.

"Ohh thank you, Roger!! You really do know how to make a gal – I mean, guy – feel good again!!" said Mark with a smile.

"Yeah. Oh look!! Our tickets are dry!! Let's see if they'll accept them now!!" squealed Roger as the two of them grabbed their man purses and scooted off into the theatre to find their friends.

**----------969696969---------**

Meanwhile, Angel and Collins were inside the hall, still making out heavily just to capture the four seats. It was going pretty well expect for one thing.

"Collins, that old woman has been staring at us for the last 20 minutes. I can't stand it any longer!!" whispered Angel and Collins gently teased her ear. Louise made a puking sound and Reginald sighed and gave an apologetic look to the two.

"Louise, sweetie, Tobias looks like he's going to wet his pants, and I'm afraid to bring him to the men's room upstairs, what with all those filthy homosexuals up there… could you bring him to go tinkle?" Reginald asked. Louise gave Angel; and Collins one more disgusted look and took Toby's hand and brought him up the stairs. Reginald sighed in relief.

"Thank god she's gone… Now I can actually enjoy myself." Reginald said. He quickly ripped open his shirt to reveal a gold leather corset. Angel raised her eyebrow and grinned.

"Your corset is looking exceptionally gold." Angel commented. Reginald grinned back.

"Thanks, my wife uses a colour-safe bleach." Reginald said. Angel nodded.

"Sweet." Angel said approvingly. Reginald reached into his pocket and grabbed his wallet.

"Can I buy you guys a drink? It's the least I can do to apologize for my wife's behavior. You see, after her dad left her mother, Louise's mother became a nun. And a very strict nun she was. She would beat me with a ruler whenever I was caught within 2 feet of her precious Louise." Reginald said. Collins was about to say yes, but Angel butted in.

"There's no need to buy us a drink. You didn't do anything. Now, is Louise's mother dead?" Angel asked hopefully, ignoring the glare from Collins, who really wanted that drink. Reginald grinned.

"Yup, the bitch is dead, and it's all because of me… you see, I used to have this old ford pickup…" Reginald was cut off by a gasp from Angel.

"YOU HIT HER WITH YOUR CAR?" Angel exclaimed. Reginald chuckled.

"I wish! Ha! No, I hit her duck, Pennington, who was the 'love of her life'. So she started spazzing out on me and then, she just dropped. The stress killed her, I guess. Louise still hasn't forgiven me for that." Reginald said. Angel and Collins exchanged glances and hoped that Roger and Mark would hurry their skinny little (sexy) white arses up.

**----------969696969---------**

Mark and Roger were walking down the street. Roger was clearly pissed off while Mark was like an unfixed puppy, jumping up and down, humping the legs of random passer-byers, licking Roger's face, peeing wherever he pleased, and just being down right annoying.

"Rogydoodles! Are we there yet? When we get there, will you let me meet that hot guy in that little gold speedo? ROGER! Can I have a hug? OO! ROGER! HOW MUCH FOR THAT DOGGY IN THE WINDOW?" Suddenly, Mark peed on Roger's gorgeous pump. Roger glared and stomped his foot.

"MARK! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" Roger yelled. Mark whimpered and hid behind the squirrel, who had been following them the whole time.

"I was just marking my territory!" Mark whined. Roger sighed and crouched down so that he was eye level with Mark. The squirrel, who they had named Mr. Chuckles, quickly moved out of the way, sensing that he might be in danger of getting squished if they so chose to have a man kiss. Roger leaned in, looking in Mark's eyes for permission, and, after getting the answer he wanted, leaned in a bit closer so that their lips were almost touching and then…

"WE'RE SOARING  
FLYING  
THERE'S NOT A STAR IN HEAVEN THAT WE CAN'T REACH!" Troy Bolton sang at the top of his lungs, ruining the moment. Mark and Roger glared at the young, sexy, drop dead gorgeous teen, who blushed and looked at the ground.

"Sorry." He said, suddenly, a transformer rounded the corner and hit Troy, sending blood in every direction, including Mark and Roger's direction, so that they were covered in mud, dirt, branches, water and blood.

"WOAH WOAH WOAH!"

**END FLASHBACK**

"Mark! Where the HELL did the Transformer come from?" Roger asked. Mark blushed.

"Transformers make stories awesome! And they're a major turn-on!" Mark said. Roger sighed.

"Can we star wipe back into the story?" Roger asked. Mark nodded.

"Yes we can."

**STAR WIPE**

"This is gonna take forever to wash out." Mark said grumpily. Roger laughed and picked the hot pumpkin head up bridal style and started walking down the street with him.

"Close your eyes and I'll kiss you,  
Tomorrow I'll miss you;  
Remember I'll always be true.  
And then while I'm away,  
I'll write home every day,  
And I'll send all my loving to you.

I'll pretend that I'm kissing  
the lips I am missing  
and hope that my dreams will come true.  
And then while I'm away,  
I'll write home every day,  
And I'll send all my loving to you.

All my loving I will send to you.  
All my loving, darling I'll be true." Roger sang. Mark had fallen asleep in his arms, and they were at the entrance of the theater, so Roger went up to the booth and maneuvered himself to reach into his man purse and pull out his near-illegible tickets. The teenage girl at the booth popped her gum and undid the velvet rope, letting the two in, with 5 minutes to spare until the start of the movie.

**THE END**

_REVIEW FOR MORE_


	4. Drinks, Ice Cubes and THWACK!

"Holy Sparkle Queen! About time you knuckleheads got your little white asses in here!" said Angel as Mark and Roger ran into the theatre hall, their sexy little asses bouncing and their high heels clacking on the floor. Mark sat on the seat next to Angel and Roger sat next to him with a large Coke and a packet of chips in his hands. Mark stared at him.

"Roger? What the hell is wrong with you? You're not supposed to bring food into a theatre" he whispered angrily.

"Don't worry, Marky-Mark. Nobody will even _know_ I have it," said the incredibly dumb rock star and he tucked the goodies away under the seat. Mark grunted and sat back in his seat.

Just then, the lights dimmed and the stage sparkled red and black, which was the theme of the show. There was a spotlight fixed onto the middle of the stage while a feminine male voiceover sang the opening song:

"Michael Rennie was ill the day the earth stood still  
But he told us where we stand  
And Flash Gordon was there in silver underwear  
Claude Raines was the invisible man  
Then something went wrong for Fay Wray and King Kong  
They got caught in a celluloid jam  
Then at a deadly pace it came from outer space  
And this is how the message ran:

Science Fiction - Double Feature  
Dr. X will build a creature  
See androids fighting Brad and Janet  
Ann Francis stars in Forbidden Planet  
Oh-oh at the late night, double feature, picture show."

Once the whole Brand and Janet song was sung, the narrator stepped out on stage, in a gray suit, glasses and giant book and proceeded with his lines. As the lights slowly began to focus on him, Roger quietly pulled out his Coke from under the desk and started sipping from it. The narrator began: "I would now like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey –"

**SSLLLUUUURRRRRRPPPPPPP!** Was what everyone heard as that sentence was said. All heads immediately swung around to look at Roger, who sat there with a large Coke in his hand, the straw in his mouth, and a scared look on his face, like a little boy who'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Angel and Collins pretended not to know him and Mark covered his face in sheer embarrassment. The narrator gave him a stern look and continued with his lines. "Ahem! It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Brad Majors and his fiancée Janet Weiss, two young ordinary healthy kids – "

"Roger, what did I tell you about bringing food into a theatre?" whispered Mark and the narrator continued.

"Sorry, Mark. I just couldn't resist. You know I have a caffeine addiction. I mean, I am trying to quit and all, but you know." He rolled his sleeve up to show his patch – an old Nescafe label stuck to his arm. Mark sighed.

Roger then decided to wait for the Time Warp so that he could finish the rest of his Coke without anyone hearing him. But it's been scientifically proven that it's next to impossible to concentrate on anything else when the Time Warp is being performed right in front of you. Once the song got underway, Roger quickly chugged down his bucket of Coke and sang **"LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"** along with the whole theatre. Then they all got up and performed the Time Warp together.

"It's just a jump to the left  
and then a step to the right!  
With your hands on your hips  
you bring your knees in tight!  
But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane!  
**Let's do the Time Warp again!"**

But oh horror of horrors, when Roger did his pelvic thrust, he let out a huge belch, which thankfully the actors didn't hear, but the homophobic lady behind them scrunched up her face and look disdainfully at his outfit. Roger blushed and sat down after the song ended, his legs crossed in a very un-manlike fashion. Finally Dr Frank-N-Furter entered the scene, making some members cheer and clap and some other members mumble and grunt, followed by whispers of "Who does he think he is with that lipstick/My hair definitely looks better than his/That corset makes his thighs look so fat," and so on.

Angel studied Dr. Frank-N-Furter very closely and said to Mark, "Have you noticed how they have a black guy playing Frank-N-Furter these days? Whoa, somebody musta gone through a lot of trouble to make that happen."

Mark nodded. "Yeah. Who knew we had so many black drag queens around here."

Angel smacked his little blonde head from the back. "Are you stupid or what? There are _plenty_ around here. You gotta stop filming pigeons and street dogs, Mark. There's so much more you need to see."

Mark groaned and turned back to the stage. _Hmmmmmm that Frank guy sure looks familiar_, he thought. _But why? _

The next song after that was "Sweet Transvestite". Roger, Mark, Angel and Collins all marveled at the sexy, colorful costumes that paraded them on the stage. As Dr. Frank-N-Furter approached the stage and sang, "I'm just a sweet transvestite, from Transsexual, Transylvania..." Mark's brain suddenly clicked.

"Hey Roger! Isn't that Benny up there?"Mark exclaimed. Roger, who had somehow gotten an extra large mountain dew, took a huge sip from his drink, looked up and spit it out all over the back of the head of the bald guy sitting right in front of him. The guy turned around and glared at him.

"Hey, you little douche bag. You're only supposed to squirt water during 'there's a light.' Got that, dipshit?" The guy asked. Roger nodded shyly, and the guy turned around. Roger took another huge sip out of his drink, and then Angel turned to them and said, "Yo! You guys! I just saved 15 on my car insurance thanks to geiko." Roger's eyes went wide and he spit out his drink again. The bald guy turned around and glared at Roger.

"It wasn't me! It was that old lady!" Roger said quickly, pointing at Louise. The bald guy stood up and walked towards Louise. Louise looked at the bald guy's choice of outfit: a hot pink pleather skirt, a fuchsia leopard print bra and pink fuck me boots, and rolled her eyes. The bald guy glared at her.

"You got a problem with me, bitch?" The bald guy asked. Louise stood up and poked him with her cane.

"You're darn right I do, you stupid whore." Louise said. The bald guy grabbed her arm and said, "Let's take this outside, you stupid cunt-face." Louise glared, grabbed his ear and pulled him towards the exit. Before they left, the bald guy yelled, "I fucking hate you, mom!" Louise rolled her eyes.

"Feeling's mutual, Jack." Louise said, and then she dragged him outside. It was all quiet in the theater for a moment and then…

"JIMINY JILLIKERS BATMAN!" Roger yelled. A guy dressed up as Batman had just walked by and stolen Roger's mountain dew and started drinking it. Roger was about to run to a corner and slit his wrists, but Mark grabbed him by the breeches.

"Roger! We don't need you going all emo on us again!" Mark said. Roger was about to retort, but then Benny stood up on stage and continued his song.

"So, come up to the lab, and see what's on the slab. I see you shiver with antici… pation." Benny sang. Mark felt a chill go down his back. He thought it was from the way Benny sang his lines, but in actuality, there was an ice cube crawling down his back. Roger saw this and was completely entranced by it. He couldn't take his eyes off the little ice cube. It disappeared into Mark's shorts and Roger just couldn't resist. 

"WOAH! MY BODY'S NOBODY'S BODY BUT MINE! YOU'VE GOT YOUR OWN BODY AND I'VE GOT MINE!" Mark yelled. Everyone in the theater turned around to look at Mark and Roger. Mark was blushing and Roger had the deer in the headlights look, with his hand still down Mark's shorts. A security guard walked up to them, thick moustache and all. 

"Listen, y'all. I ain't got time for yer shenanigans. If y'all interrupt this again, y'all are gonna be getting a foot up yer arses. Is that clear, y'all?" The security guard asked in a thick Texan accent. Mark and Roger nodded.

"Aye aye, captain!" Roger said, using his hand that wasn't down Mark's pants to salute the security guard. The security guard rolled his eyes and walked towards the back of the theater. Mark looked at Roger expectantly for a second, but Roger, who was sipping a milkshake (god knows where he got it) didn't notice.

"hem hem." Mark cleared his throat, but Roger didn't seem to notice.

_**THWACK**_

"OW! MARKYDOODLES! WHAT THE APPLE PIE WAS THAT?" Roger yelled. Mark gestured to Roger's hand that was currently massaging Mark's bottom. Roger blushed and pulled his hand out. Before he could say 'sorry' the security guard was back, and he was angry.

"THAT'S IT, Y'ALL! I WARNED Y'ALL ONCE, AND NOW Y'ALL ARE GETTING MY FOOT UP YER ASS UNLESS Y'ALL SHIMMY AND SHAKE YER ASSES OUTTA HERE BEFORE I HAVE A CHANCE!" The security guard yelled. Mark and Roger quickly got up and ran out of the theater, but not before Roger chucked his milkshake at the security guard. Angel and Collins were laughing hysterically, until the security guard glared at them, milkshake dripping from his moustache. Angel took one look at it and started hyperventi-laughing. The security guard wiped his moustache.

"Y'all better leave too, unless y'all want my foot up yer ASS!" The security guard yelled. Angel and Collins quickly got up and ran out of the theater. As the door closed, they could hear Benny yell, " My acting debut, IT'S RUINED! AH! C'EST FINIS!" Angel and Collins looked at each other and started giggling like a bunch of pubescent teens. After a few minutes, they calmed down, and decided to go in search for Mark and Roger.

_**MARK'S MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD!**_

_Update and y'all will get a poutine._


	5. In Which Mark Gets a Blow Joy

"Roger!! Please, let's stop!! I can't run anymore!!" said Mark between breaths as he ran through the foyer with Roger in tow.

"We can't, Mark! That stupid Texan security guard is hot on our heels", said Roger as he tried to keep up with Mark. "Which is horrible, considering these are super-gorgeous Prada shoes that Mimi bought me with her hard-earned money as a birthday gift". Roger kept running until he discovered a really dark passageway just at the back of the foyer. "Quick!! In here!!" he said as he ran into the passageway and pulled Mark in with him. Roger was squished into the back of the passageway with Mark at his side, as both of them tried to catch their breaths. Suddenly they heard footsteps getting closer and closer, and then the security guard stopped just in front of the passageway, causing them both to tense up. But fortunately, he didn't look down the passageway because he thought he was the only person on the world who knew of its' existence (since it was his spot where he carried out his own "shenanigans"). He took a quick look around him, and ran out of the theatre and down the street, thinking the two lady boys were trying in the garbage cans. Mark and Roger sighed with relief and Mark tried to wiggle himself out.

"No Marky, don't. Let's just...stay here for a bit," said Roger, who put his hand on Mark's arm to stop him. Mark turned around and gazed into Roger's dull green eyes, which were just too darn gorgeous to clash with any item of clothing, honestly. His heart started thudding faster and faster as Roger brought his face closer, until their eyelashes were touching.

"I'm so sorry," whispered Roger as he placed his hands on Mark's sexy, girlish waist. "Am I too close for you?"

"Actually, you're not nearly close enough," whispered Mark with a slight twinkle in his eye. Roger grinned and crashed his lips into Mark's luscious pink petal-like lips, as the two shared a long, sexy, steamy kiss. Mark slipped his arms around Roger's neck and ran his fingers through his short, hairspray-covered hair. Roger placed his hands on Mark's hot, sexy little red butt and pulled his closer, until their crotches were touching each other. Both boys moaned as their lips and bodies rubbed together, giving them wave after wave of pleasure. When they finally ran out of air, they pulled apart to gaze at each other, their faces bright pink with excitement and their bodies hot and sweaty from the frottage. They giggled quietly and were just about to go in for another hot kiss when they were interrupted by a voice that they really didn't want to hear.

"Well I'll be darned!! I didn't think I'd find ya'll here, with this being mah special spot and all," said the stupid security guard with a strange glow in his eye.

Mark trembled and held Roger closer to him. "I'm so sorry, sir. Please don't tell anyone about this. Pretty please, with lipstick and glittery eye shadow on top??" He pouted his sexy pout, which he knew turned Roger on every single time. And sure enough, he could feel Roger's diving board suddenly rise up and dig into his right thigh.

The security guard tilted his head to think for a minute, and then said, "Alright, but only if you boys do a little somethin' fer me." He looked at the two of them, a dirty twinkle in his eye, and made some rather suggestive moves with his hands and hips, and then winked. Mark and Roger looked uncomfortably at each other. Then Roger spoke:

"Only if you let us get back into the theatre and let us sit in our original seats," he said with determination.

The security guard crinkled his eyebrows, as if thinking about the offer. Then he said, "Okay… I'll TRY to get yer original seats back IF…" There was a dramatic pause, and the security guard grinned a mischievous grin, "the little blondie blows me." The security guard said, crossing his arms. Mark blushed like a beet.

"I'm sorry… I just re-applied my lip gloss…" Mark said uncomfortably.

"Not you, ye little man-whore. I mean the hot one next te ya, with the nice long water bottle in his pants." The security guard said, winking at Roger. Roger almost gagged.

"Now, wait a minute, mr… uhm." Roger squinted to look at the security guard's nametag "Sacha… Now, who says that I'm a GUY?" Roger asked. The security guard looked down at Roger's crotch.

"Uhmm… well…" Roger looked down at his crotch as well and smiled.

"It's my coke bottle. I don't have any pockets." Roger said smugly, pulling out one of those classic coca cola bottles and took a sip from it. He then passed it to Mark, who greedily grabbed it and took a huge sip from it. Mark then offered it to Sacha, who glared.

"I ain't takin' any o' that coke shit. It tastes like SHIT! I'm more of a Pepsi person." Sacha said. Mark and Roger glared at him.

"You bastard! COKE IS THE SOURCE OF ALL HAPPINESS!" Mark exclaimed, chucking the coke bottle at Sacha, hitting him square in the face.

"YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" Sacha yelled at the top of his lungs. Mark squeaked and jolted up and bolted towards the candy shop down the street. Sacha growled at Roger and Roger quickly followed Mark's lead, screaming like a little girl as he ran.

**.o.O.o.**

"MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARKYDOODLES! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MARK! MA…" Angel yelled.

"ANGEL!" Collins yelled back, cutting her off. Angel blushed.

"Sorry." She said quietly. Collins sighed and pulled her into a hug.

"Ange… it's okay. You're worried about our little fucker, aren't you?" Collins asked. Angel giggled.

"Juuuuuuuust a little." Angel said, demonstrating with her fingers how much a little was. Her index finger and thumb were pushed together as tightly as possible. Collins grinned.

"Don't you mean… a LITTLE." He said, moving his two hands as far apart as they could possibly go. Angel glared at him and lightly pushed him.

"S'not funny." Angel said angrily. Collins groaned.

"Come on, Angel. If we're gonna find our two little fuckers before the show ends, we have to find them soon! Please! We have to go in and see the end of the show! We have to get in and make Benny make a HUGE fool of himself!" Collins wined. Angel huffed and crossed her arms.

"No." She said stubbornly. Collins raised his eyebrow. "No?" he asked quizzically. Angel stared him straight in the eye. "No." Collins pouted.

"Pretty please with rainbow sprinkles and a cherry on top?" Collins asked, putting on the most adorable face he possibly could, which somehow ended up being more seductive than cute. Angel sighed.

"Fine… but FIRST!" Angel said, and then waited a few seconds "we must get some CANDY!" Angel then bolted down the street to the local candy shop to get some sugary goodness.

**.o.O.o.**

"CANDY!" Mark exclaimed as they walked into the candy shop, which miraculously was still open. Roger's eyes went wide as a jawbreaker when his eyes fell upon the lollipops.

"PENIS!" He yelled. Mark looked at him quizzically.

"Penis? Is that ALL you can think of right now?" Mark asked. Roger looked at Mark's crotch and smiled.

"Uh-huh!" Roger said merrily. Mark grinned and rolled his eyes. He dug into his pocket and pulled out one 50-dollar bill, two 20-dollar bills and several 1-dollar bills. Roger's jaw dropped.

"Where'd you get all that money?" Roger asked. Mark's eyes twinkled.

"I stole it from the security guard." Mark said proudly. Roger pulled Mark into a hug.

"This calls for a celebratory blow joy!" Roger explained. Mark raised his eyebrow.

"Blow… Joy? Don't you mean blow JOB?" Mark asked. Roger laughed and patted Mark on the back.

"Mark… trust me. With me, it's NEVER a job. It's ALWAYS extremely joyful." Roger said seductively. Mark quickly grabbed a whole bunch of candy from the store and went towards the counter.

"COME ON! PICK OUT WHAT YOU LIKE AND LET'S GET BLOWING!" Mark exclaimed. Roger raised his eyebrow.

"Don't you mean… GOING?"

"Nope… I meant BLOWING." Mark said seductively. Roger quickly grabbed some lollipops and jawbreakers and headed towards the cash.

_All right, my lovelies. I am SO sorry that I didn't update earlier. I have been ever so busy with school. I hope you will forgive me. Anyways, I hope this chapter is to your liking._

_Loves_

_Kawaii-babi_


	6. Stoli

_-Flash forward to the normal RENT world (where everything is pink and yellow)-_

"Jawbreakers and lollipops?? What were we thinking? Wow, no wonder my head feels like an Oompa Loompa factory," groaned Mark as he tried to shake his head into sanity.

"Yeah. And you know what's the best cure for that is? Caffeine, and lots of it!" said Roger, who placed a steaming hot (and extremely chipped) mug of thick black coffee in front of his nose. Mark looked at it cautiously, sniffed it like a dog, and then slowly drank it, trying not to gag at the horrendous taste.

"I don't know Mark. You story doesn't seem to be going anywhere. And I do recall a Rocky Horror after-party that we were invited to. Did we end up going though?"

"Uh-uh-uh. Just a minute now," Mark said, wagging his finger at Roger. "All in due time, my precious," he said in a very scary Gollum voice, which made Roger's skin crawl. He gulped down his mug of coffee, refilled his cup, and sat down at the table with his friend.

"Right, so where were we?? Oh yes, the candy shop..."

_-Flashback to candy shop (insert dreamy music here)- _

Roger ran off to the cash counter and dumped all his lollipops and jawbreakers in front of the cashier, his eyes bulging wide and grinning like a crazed 6-year-old. The cashier lady looked at all the sweets and gave Roger a quizzical look.

"You sure you got enough there, sonny?" The lady at the cash said with a sarcastic tone, but Roger, being as dumb as a chocolate chip muffin who'd lost all its chocolate chips, didn't catch her sarcasm.

"NOPE!" he exclaimed proudly. Mark sighed.

"C'mon Roggy-Poggy!! Hurry up!!" he groaned. "We need to get blowing – I mean, going!" he said, blushing, but giving Roger a super-sexy wink.

"Ahoy there matey!! I'm a comin'! YO HO, BLOW THE MAN DOWN!" said Roger as he paid 10 for his goodies and greedily collected them all in a brown paper bag. Suddenly, he ran into somebody very familiar.

"Angel!! Collins!! You're here!!" he exclaimed. He didn't hug them because he was too busy clutching his precious candy so he gave them blow-kisses instead. (Funny how the 'blow' theme ties the whole story together, isn't it?)

"Yeah!! C'mon, lets' hurry up!! We don't wanna miss the show, and our secret plan to humiliate Benny publicly into letting us stay rent-free," said Collins, grinning his evil grin that was never ever seen in the RENT movie or stage show, but was one of his specialties. He and Angel picked out a few gummi bears and some milk chocolate and quickly paid for them, and then all four friends quickly left the candy shop and made their way back.

Eventually the four of them managed to make it back to the theatre, where thankfully, it was the 20-minute intermission, so they could sit and eat their candy in peace in the foyer.

"HAHAHAHAHA!! Imagine that stupid security guard Sacha running after us while his five stomachs all bounce up and down!! Who the hell does he think he is??" laughed Roger as he ate his lollipop. The other laughed while stuffing their faces with their sugary ammunition.

"'Scuse us a second, chaps, but could we just share your seat for a minute? My boys wanna finish their nachos before the show starts," said a tall, nerdy man in a green suit, with a bushy moustache with two little boys.

"Umm, yeah, sure. Whatever," said Mark, shrugging.

"Thanks ever so much, fellas. Rod!! Todd!! Over here boys!!" said the gentleman to his two little boys, who sat on the bench next to Mark and Angel, opened their "Jesus Is My Best Friend" lunchboxes and ate something that didn't resemble any kind of nachos whatsoever.

"Thank you kindly, ma'am. The name's Flanders. Ned Flanders," said the gentleman, extending his hand out for a shake.

"That's quite alright. The name's Angel. And I'm actually a guy," Angel said proudly, returning the handshake. Ned quickly pulled his hand away, as if it had been burnt, and looked uncomfortable at his boys, who looked a little bewildered themselves.

"It's alright, boys. Just eat your nachos. Try not to look at Satan's children," he whispered to his boys. Unfortunately, Angel and Collins heard him. Angel was trying not to cry, and Collins was downright pissed. He calmly got up and stood in front of the Flanders.

"May I please see those lunchboxes?" He asked. Rod and Todd looked at each other, shrugged and handed him their lunchboxes. Collins looked at Angel and mouthed 'distract them' Angel grinned and nodded.

"EVERYBODY LOOK! IT'S JESUS!" Angel yelled. The Flanders quickly turned their heads around, and Collins pulled something out of his jacket and put it in Rod's lunchbox.

"Never mind… it was just a bearded lady." Angel said. Ned, Rod and Todd frowned and turned back around. Collins grinned and passed the boys their lunchboxes.

"These are VERY cool lunchboxes. Anyways, my friends and I are going to go back inside. Hope you enjoy the rest of the show!" Collins said. The four friends quickly went into the theater and Collins started looking for something.

"Uhm… Collins?" Angel asked. Collins stopped and ran towards a security guard that wasn't Sacha.

"Hey, sir. There's a kid with curly red hair who's acting really suspicious with his lunchbox. He's about this tall, and his lunchbox says 'Jesus is My Best Friend' I think that he might be hiding some illegal substance of some sort." Collins explained. The security guard nodded and spoke into his walkie-talkie, and then sped off looking for the perp. As soon as the door to the lobby closed, Collins and Angel started laughing. Mark raised his eyebrow.

"What did you do?" Mark asked. Collins smiled.

"You'll see, boys." Collins said slyly. Suddenly, they heard a scream from the lobby, so they all ran into the lobby to see Rod, Todd and Ned on their knees with their hands behind their heads with several security guards searching them.

"YO BOSS! OVER HERE! I FOUND SOMETHING!" One of the security guards yelled. He lifted up Rod's lunchbox and unzipped it to reveal…

"Stoli? I wonder where he got that?" Roger whispered. Mark giggled a girlish giggle, while Collins was trying not to burst out into laughter. Angel on the other hand, had her hand over her mouth to try to stifle her laughter.

"A minor with alcohol? Well, I say, isn't that illegal?" One of the security guards asked Ned. Ned's jaw dropped.

"That isn't ours! I swear to god! I would never touch the devil's work, never mind drink the devil's drink!" Ned exclaimed. The security guard frowned.

"But your kids probably would. Guys, book 'em" The security guard said. The Flanders were quickly handcuffed and then led out of the building. Roger, Angel, Collins and Mark erupted into laughter.

"Way to go, Collins!" Roger exclaimed, giving Collins a high five. Suddenly, Collins frowned.

"What's wrong, hun?" Angel asked.

"That was my last bottle of stoli."


	7. MENORAH!

The four friends giggled amongst themselves as they went back into the theatre for second act (well Collins sulked a little because he lost his last bottle of stoli). Roger noticed this and put an arm around Collins' shoulders.

"Aaawwww it's alright man. I'll buy you another bottle with my stolen money after the show," he said as they took their seats. That made Collins face brighten up with a smile (even though Angel was already playing footsie with him under the seat) (yay footsie) (I wanna play footsie).

The curtain opened and the show started after the "I Can Make You A Man (Reprise)" when Rocky runs away. Roger pulled out a packet of gummi bears, which he smuggled into his pants and started munching on them quietly until he heard a voice next to him that sent chills down his spine. And no, it wasn't Mark or Mimi or even the Squeegee man. It was somebody worse. Much worse.

"Well, looks like we had quite a darn diddly problem out there, didn't we? But I know how we can fix that," whispered the voice next to him.

"F-F-F-Flanders?! W-W-What do you w-w-w-want?" Roger whimpered, his knees shaking and his mouth full of gummi bears.

"It's simple. Just tell the security guard that your friend planted that bottle in mah son's lunchbox and I'll let ya'll go. But if you don't, you're gonna get a taste of some of this," said Flanders, as he showed Roger a little bottle of something and a wooden cross.

Roger's legs trembled. His face went white. His mouth was opened in a look of sheer horror. He quickly alerted his friends and explained the situation to them.

"Guys!! It's that weird Flanders guy!! He wants us to come clean about the Stoli or he's gonna...he's gonna...Oh God!!" Roger struggled to catch his breath.

"What Roger?? What's he gonna do??" said Mark, rubbing Roger's knee.

"Or he's gonna... BAPTIZE US!! WITH HOLY WATER!! AND A CROSS!!" yelped Roger like a hurt dog, which caused half the theatre to go "SSSSHHHHH!!" to him. He looked at Flanders, who brandished the bottle and the cross with a look of pure evil on his face. Mark's eyes went wide.

"Oh no! A cross! And holy water! There's no way we can escape this mess!" Mark said, and then suddenly, a light bulb appeared above his head. "EUREKA!" He exclaimed. He then reached into his tight corset and pulled out a menorah. Flanders's normally yellow face suddenly turned snow white.

"Oh god… Please Lord, protect me and my sons from the evilness that is the Jewish race… may you smite them with lightning, amen." Ned prayed. Suddenly, there was a huge BANG from outside, which was thunder. Outside, a large black cloud was quickly making its way towards the theater. There was a wind that was following the cloud. A very violent wind, which blew one of the windows out in the theater. People started yelling and ducking for cover, while Ned stood there with an evil smirk on his face. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning came hurdling towards Mark.

"Oh look, Mark, a shiny new penny!" Roger said. Mark, being the little Jew that he is, dropped to the ground, a mere second before the lightning would have hit him, to collect the penny. Suddenly, there was a blood-curdling scream. Mark looked up to see Flanders, completely charred. Then suddenly, like in a cartoon, he fell to the floor in a pile of ashes, except for his eyes, which remained on the top of the pile. The janitor came by and swept him away. Mark turned to Roger and smiled.

"Thank you." Mark said simply. Roger smiled.

"No problem… now, should we get back to watching the performance?" Roger asked. Mark smiled and grabbed Roger's hand.

"Of course." Mark said happily.


	8. Kamehame Jonas?

Surprisingly, the rest of the show had gone without major incident, except for Roger being shushed for his overly loud slurping, or Roger and Mark's hands 'accidentally' met in the popcorn bowl and just never let go. They had decided at some point during the show that ruining Benny's big debut would cause him to go all Chuck Norris on them, and then would increase the rent by so much that they would probably have to sell Angel for scientific experiment in order to be able to pay it. They had walked out of the building a few minutes ago, and then Mark noticed three guys walking in the distance.

"Roger, do you see what I see?" Mark asked Roger excitedly. Roger squinted.

"I see, a cheeseburger?" Roger asked. Mark rolled his eyes and shifted Roger over a bit.

"NOW do you see what I see?" Mark asked. Roger scratched his head.

"I see a fro, fuzzy sideburns and huge eyebrows... MARK! DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE?" Roger yelled.

"IT'S THE JONAS BROTHERS!" Mark and Roger squealed. The ran up to the three Disney stars.

"OH MY GOSH! YOU'RE KEVIN JONAS! Can I touch your sideburns?" Mark asked. Kevin smiled.

"Of course you can! Here! You can have them!" Kevin exclaimed. He ripped off his sideburns, and then a new pair instantly grew back. Mark almost drooled.

"This is flipping fantastic! ROGER! I got the funny looking one's sideburns!" Mark exclaimed. Roger wasn't paying attention to Mark. Instead, he was playing with Joe's hair.

"You have pretty eyes." Roger said dreamily. Joe smiled.

"Why thank you. You look like Jon Bon Jovi." Joe flirted. Roger giggled, which made Mark glare.

"Really? I've been told by somebody that I look like a cheese enchilada." Roger said glancing at Mark.

"I think that cheese enchiladas are hot." Joe said. Roger giggled.

"They burn my tongue." Roger said cutely, which made Joe laugh.

"You know..." Joe said, and then he leaned closer to Roger "I think that you're pretty hot too." Roger blushed.

"Don't y-y-you have a purity r-r-r-r-ring or something like th-that?" Roger stuttered. Joe pulled away and fiddled with his ring.

"Oh this little thing?" Joe asked, Roger nodded. "yeah, as mom says 'you have to get married before you have sex...'" Joe trailed off, and then he raised his eyebrows at Roger. That was the final straw for Mark.

"KAMEHAMEHA!" Mark exclaimed, and then a burst of... whatever a kamehameha is made of, hit Joe square in the chest. Joe Jonas was no more. Kevin and Nick looked at each other and then quickly ran down the street so that they wouldn't get kamehamehad.

"Mark... I..." Roger tried to say, but Mark looked in the opposite direction.

"I'm not talking to you." Mark said bluntly. Roger went on his knees and crawled up to Mark.

"Please?" Roger asked, putting on the best puppy face that he could. Mark just walked down the street, completely ignoring Roger.

"Marky! I'll make you some snickerdoodles!" Roger pleaded. Mark just kept walking. Collins was shocked. Mark refusing Roger's snickerdoodles?

"Hey pumpkin head! Didn't you hear Roger? He said that he's make your white ass some snickerdoodles!" Collins yelled. Mark turned around.

"Frankly, I don't care at the moment. He was flirting with that Disney slut." Mark said. Roger frowned.

"Because you were flirting with the funny looking one!" Roger said. Mark rolled his eyes.

"I just like his sideburns, and you know that!" Mark exclaimed.

"No you don't! You like him because he's the one that no one likes!"

"You like the one that everyone likes, you stupid conformist!" Mark yelled. Roger stuck out his tongue.

"You know what? Screw you!" Roger said, and then he walked in the opposite direction, following the majority of the people leaving the theater. Mark frowned and hugged himself, which made Collins smile.

"Awe, that's cute! You still love him!" Collins said. Mark glared.

"I don't anymore!" Mark whined, which made Angel grin.

"So you did?" Angel asked.

"No I didn't!" Mark exclaimed. Collins started dancing down the street.

"Mark and Roger sitting in a tree. F-U-C-K-I-N-G!" Collins yelled.

"STOP IT!" Mark yelled, running down the street after Collins.


End file.
